Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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