All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids