would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.