Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
