It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize