i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
