I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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