You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize