So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize