Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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