My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
