i would punch a child for taco bell
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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