Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
