what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
