What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
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Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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