I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
