The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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