Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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