Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
