So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
