gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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