So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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