Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
our cab driver is having phone sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
