My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize