can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
