I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
