OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
