In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
