While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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