I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
