New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
