"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
