update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
