It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
