Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
