I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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