i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
