yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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