I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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