Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pants are for mortals
I touched a dick in church today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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