He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
