Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
