he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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