Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
