i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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