i already hear my dad disowning me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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