I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
