The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
