do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
