So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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