Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
