God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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