better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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