I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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