I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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