I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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