if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
