My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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