I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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