Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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