and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
