Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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