Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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