Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
