well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We named our party play list daddy issues
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
