So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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