I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
