Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
